crazy weekend - went to boston for rosie's 21st birthday. went up in the bus with good old jon ledoux & we listened to music through his headphones splitters just like we did back in high school - so good as always to be able to be with my best friend.
we got into boston and then got rosie & went to the harpoon brewery for a free tasting of amazingly delicious beer. then rosie and i went home, hung out at little, had some thai, and then ran the kegs over (it was sort of like getting to do the "21st birthday party- COLLEGE STYLE" that i never did for one reason or another). we went back and got ready at rosie's, and then drove over to the party, looking pretty much as hot as a pair of pagerey-greys have ever looked (rosie in this amazing, royal-blue-sequined mini-dress with black tights and those awesome grey booties she has - i had moments of not recognizing her and then realizing that the beautiful woman was actually my sister).
the party itself was fun, too. (i did a keg stand in rosie's honor - which was judged by jacob carter as "well-executed.") a good mix of people was represented, and i had some good conversations with some of rosie's friends who were there to celebrate her turning 21. a lot of them were surprised to find out that i was rosie's sister when we got to the part of the conversation about whom we knew at the party, and that was cool, too - to see how many people she impacts and then see myself as someone who's been able to witness her as a part of her life. she has got such a big goddamn heart, that rosie. she just loves and loves and loves.
the next morning, i succeeded in prying the birthday girl from her bed and we went with jon and colin first to colin's, where we ate some breakfast and danced to M.I.A., and then to the MFA. we spent a couple of hours looking around. then i got on the bus and came back to new york.
so now it's easter morning, and i'm all alone in my apartment. it's bright and shiny outside, and i had dreams about being a camp counselor again. in my dream, i was trying to show my smallest campers some chicks i had gotten for us to raise, but there was a scheduling problem and they never got to see them the way i had planned, but i didn't really mind and knew that i would be able to make things better the following week. i guess that bodes well, right?
what i did this week was come really close to giving up. i can't do that yet - i've still got 9 weeks, and god knows how much can change in 9 weeks - but it might be that i'm out of my league. and then there's a voice in me that says, 9 weeks! you've been doing it for more than twice that, and the fact that you'll even go back every day is a triumph in itself. all you gotta do, p-g, is just keep getting up everyday. and even if you have to tell yourself every moment that the things that you do are enough, that you are capable, and that this WON'T LAST FOREVER, this shit is well-nigh impossible, but you're doing it.
and what will get me through is applying to a score of schools all over the country. i might have to part with new york (and with the man who wants to stay in new york no matter what) but number one, i'm too young to put my roots down, and number two, there's just got to be something better out there. who knows? it might be right here - i'm applying to other schools here - but why torture myself? i fear that i'm on the road to killing the joy that i used to have for this job, a thing that i can't afford to lose.
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