a little piece of paper

so: i am cleared to get hired (i think) and ... AM ACTUALLY CERTIFIED TO TEACH IN THE STATE OF NEW YORK. i really never thought this day would come - all of the bureaucratic nonsense, and hundreds of dollars of fees, and tests, and paperwork, and phonecalls, to say nothing of the four years of college, the student teaching, visits to 65 Court Street, gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair, all of it culminating into this one glorious moment where the little white lie on my resume ("NYS Certified") is finally true. amazing that a stupid piece of paper can make me feel this elated.

i will start teaching on the 29th (yes, two days before Halloween - how fortuitous!). visited the school yesterday and sat in on a couple of my sections. i will tell you this, O Blogosphere, i am scared. i am scared because they say i look about 15 years old, scared because the Bloods are recruiting, scared that i don't have the organizational skills or patience or moxie to do this. but this is what i've been waiting for. as i told patito last night, i have absolutely no idea what it's really going to be like - my expectations have so little bearing on what the reality is going to be that i may as well try not to indulge them.

and i quit my stupid job. i got paid today - i'm so looking forward to the day that getting paid won't make me feel like i've been punched in the face (or make me want to punch someone else in the face.) that being said, i'm trying to hang in there for my students' sakes - haven't yet told them that i'm leaving although i've dropped a few hints. i'm really going to miss my week class but hopefully i'll be able to stay in touch with some of them, and they did teach me a lot (as they always will, right?)

what else... the weather's turning here. it's chilly in the morning - makes it even harder to get out of bed - but i love it, love how a different season can make me see this city in a new light. it's a sort of reprieve, a reminder that things aren't always going to be the same, although with all this change i don't know why i'm looking for more.